Friday, August 20, 2010

Day 110

I got in a car accident last night. I didn't have my camera on me, so no pictures of that. But here's a pretty picture of my Daddy:
We went to get dirt today in between signing paperwork at the car hospital. How exciting.

As far as the accident is concerned, all I can say is, at least I am alive. Better the car than me. I'm so thankful my dear friend Natalie was right behind me in her car when it happened. She stood around with me while the firetruck and police came, and waited with me while my Mini got loaded up to be towed away (gas leaking, lights popping out of their sockets like springs...) and then she drove me home. Love you Natalie, I cannot thank you enough for being there.

My mother tells me someone is trying to teach me a lesson. "I know you don't believe in God, but through all of this, you're still here. Is someone trying to teach you something? Be less angry. Be more submissive?"

I have plenty to be angry about, even though I'm trying to move past it all. And not believing in God, isn't entirely true. I'm not sure what the relationship I have with God is anymore. I thought he was helping me out there for awhile, but then everything turned to shit and it made me feel completely abandoned. Although I will say, as soon as I lifted my head up from the steering wheel after crashing, I turned to the left, and there was a cop in the lane right next to me, and I thought "well, someone's watching over me." Yeah, the freaking Washington County K9 unit.

If him, or she, or they, is trying to teach me something, I don't see the point. Smashing my car in an accident is somehow supposed to teach me to be happy about my life and situation, which I with struggle every day to turn around regardless?

Personally I just believe bad shit happens and there's nothing you can do about it aside from try to put it behind you while you let your life adjust to things differently. My Dad told me today that bad things come in threes, which I've always believed. He rattled them off for me. "Let's see... Job, Matt, Mini. You're done now Rach." It was almost as funny as the time he yelled at me to stop hanging out with so many gay guys. Seriously. (He's not a bigot, hoestly. He just wants me to find a man.)

He's right though. Things really just hit me hard when I lost my job. It got worse when I suffered the gradual abandonment by my best friend (whom against my better judgement, I texted first thing when I woke up to tell him what happened, thinking that by some miracle, he might give a shit. So far, nothing)), and then I had just assumed the third was my weight loss stalling. accident. I'm DONE with bad things happening to me.

One of my oldest and dearest friends, Mike (a different Mike, not my Dad, ha), said to me this morning as I was telling him my tale of woe, "no where to go, but up." I hope he's right.

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